Domination in the world of kink refers to those who hold power over others in a very sexual way and refers to the D aspect of D/s (Dominance/submission). This kink is one of the most commonly employed, both within the BDSM community and even plain vanilla sexual encounters. More often than not there will be one partner who takes charge, and domination follows the idea of this person having more, and often absolute, control over their other half. It is important to remember that the Dominant cannot force the submissive to do whatever they desire, especially in the instance of the submissive not wanting to. All scenes and sexual activities involving the D/s dynamic should be consented prior to participation, and the entire scene should be built firmly around trust and respect for one another.

Dom/mes should always know and respect their partner's boundaries. Any D/s relationship without boundaries or respect is basically abuse, and not what a D/s relationship should be. These boundaries can be hard, referring to anything that is an absolute no-go, or soft, referring to a limit that can be tested or pushed.

A good Dom/me knows their tools - they know what pieces of equipment produce the best results and they know what their sub likes and doesn’t like. No-one will be an expert on their tools straight away but everything requires some learning and experimenting. On the flip side, you must be prepared with safety supplies. Anything can happen if you’re not careful enough, and a basic first aid kit and some blunt ended scissors (for bondage gone wrong) can never be a bad idea. Being a Dom/me in conjunction with any kind of other fetish requires knowledge of how to practice it all safely, and with care - you are often looked to as an authority, so you need to understand how everything works and be the authority.

After any session (and during) you must be willing to check in on your partner / sub and make sure they’re okay. Mental and physical health and wellbeing is a vital part of a healthy D/s relationship, and they’ll be even more responsive to you when you show them care.


What kind of dominant do you want to be? There is no rule stating a dominant has to act a certain way, or do certain things. Start by choosing your title, do you want your sub to refer to you as Master/Mistress, Sir, Madam or even Daddy or Mummy/Mommy? There is no one way to act when choosing your title, although they all have stereotypes attached to them, with a Master typically being more harsh and aggressive than a Sir.

If you want to be a Dom/me, but you aren’t sure being harsh or aggressive is for you, you can always go down the route of being a loving Dom/me, praising your sub for doing as requested, rather than punishing them for ignoring or not following orders.


A classic Dom/me move, which will never fail to control your sub is to pin them against surfaces - softly pressing them against the wall, or roughly throwing them down on the bed, and using your weight to restrict them. Remind them who’s in control by limiting their movements using cuffs, rope or any other bondage tools. Claim them, using a variety of biting, scratching and bruising. There is no requirement to do any of this, but it is commonly enjoyed for a reason, and helps Dom/mes control their subs, unruly or well behaved.

Taking control during sex using a mixture of edging techniques, bondage and toys, or using verbal and physical denial as they’re about to climax will always keep them in line. Requiring that they bring you to climax, whilst stopping them every so often to do other things for you will ensure that they work harder to please you, and expecting them to keep eye contact while doing so is a classic that never fails to keep them under your spell.

Combining all of these techniques with your favourite fetishes and bondage scenes will be sure to create the perfect session, but all of these tips are so easy to follow and incorporate into day-to-day life too. A wonderful way to use them would be in controlling what your sub can and cannot wear on a daily basis - including the addition of chastity devices, but plugs and collars, or the removal of underwear when carrying out regular tasks, such as the weekly food shop.
All scenes and sexual activities involving the D/s dynamic should be consented prior to participation, and the entire scene should be built firmly around trust and respect for one another. Lack of consent around any of these activities makes it abuse.